Sunday, October 31, 2010

Christmas Challenge

We have exactly 8 weeks until Christmas. What would it feel like to be able to fit into your finest clothes for Christmas Eve services, the company Christmas party or any other festivities you will need to dress up for? Amazing, right?!?! Well I'm challenging you to take off 10% of your body weight by Christmas.

I currently weigh 250.5 lbs. So I will need to lose 25.05 lbs by Christmas. If you'd like to join the challenge please reply to this post. You will need to weigh today and report your weight to me via email. To report your weight, please send an email to Every Friday you will weigh and email your weight to me. I will keep a spread sheet and at the end of the challenge whoever loses the most weight will win Jillian Michael's newest workout DVD, Shred It with Weights. Please reply to my Friday blog posts to let me know how the week went. If it was hard post your struggles, if it was easy post that too.

I would recommend finding a weight loss program that will help you learn to eat for life. Find something that fits with your lifestyle and stick to it. Don't stop eating for 8 weeks or go on a cleanse for 8 weeks, do something that will really keep the weight off.

Here's to an amazing holiday season!!

Saturday, October 30, 2010


Today we ran 6.2 miles. Wow!! It was good to see that we can do it. We didn’t run it fast, but we ran it. Our bodies are hurting tonight. Nothing that a little Ibuprofen can’t handle. :)

Guilt: A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Imagination: the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation, often a baseless or fanciful one.

Hmmm. . . Whether real or imagined? I have been feeling a lot of guilt lately because of the time and attention given to my weight loss journey. Guilt concerning my immediate family, my responsibilities at home, my friends, my extended family and so on and so forth. I have believed that my children are worse off because I’m not able to put the effort, that I used to, into their meals. I have believed that my family has suffered because my home is not as clean as it used to be. In fact, I don’t have time to clean. If I can stay on top of keeping it picked up then I feel I’ve had a successful day. I believed that I am a terrible friend. I don’t have time to sit and talk the way I used to. I don’t have time to return phone calls right away or meet for coffee. I don’t have time to pour into people right now. All my extra time, which has only ever been a few hours a day, is now consumed with exercise and entering data into my food log. I struggle with how self consumed I am right now, but how do I get through a weight loss journey of this enormity without being a little narcissistic?

These were thoughts I had a few weeks ago. I was really dealing with guilt. Today, not so much. I have worked through those emotions and come to the realization that I am worth this time right now. My children aren’t worse off. They are happy for me and don’t seem negatively affected by it at all. In fact, they are recognizing their own lack of activity in a day and taking the initiative to go out and get a little exercise. I have always had active children but it’s funny to hear them say, “Mom I haven’t done anything active today yet. I need to go outside and get some exercise.” It’s so cute. It always brings a smile to my face. Once I am at my ideal weight I can bring everything back into balance. I am worth it and my children deserve a happy healthy mom who will be able to set a good example of a balanced life.

My friends will still be my friends after this journey if they were true friends to begin with. They will understand what I have to do right now and support me in it. They will route me on and look forward to hearing of my successes. They will pray for me and love me through the whole battle.

My marriage is better than ever because of this. My husband and I have finally found something we can do together. We are spending more time together now than we have since before children. We have searched for hobbies we can do together for years. We are enjoying running and doing circuits together. My husband has been my greatest supporter and partner in this journey.

How can I feel guilty when there are so many positive things happening in my family, my marriage and myself?

Friday, October 29, 2010

Friday, Weigh Day

I lost 1.5 lbs this week. It's that time of the month, sorry men, but it definitely effects the weight loss. I'm hoping to have a big loss next week! 1.5 lbs is still a loss, so I'm not complaining.

I completed an 8 week weight loss challenge today and I'm excited to report that I met my goal. My goal was to lose 10% of my weight by Halloween. I had to lose 27.9 lbs. My total loss for the challenge is 28.5 lbs. Yeah!! Now my next challenge is to have 25.05 lbs off by Christmas. That's 10% of my weight. Here's to Christmas!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

5 MILES!!!!!

Yesterday I ran a little over 5 miles. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!! When we started out, I explained to the group that it was our 5 mile night. As you can imagine they were overjoyed! :) When we began nearing the end of our fourth mile I started to hesitate. I threw out that it was getting too dark or too cold or . . . . by this point the other runners were telling me that we were going to keep going. They said they finally had their heads wrapped around it. As we started on the fifth mile I wasn’t sure if I could do it. My body was starting to hurt & I was slowing down quite a bit, but I pushed through. Somewhere around 4.25 miles I started to feel good, really good. My legs wanted to run faster, my breathing was good, I wasn’t cold. . . I began running faster. In fact, the entire fifth mile felt really good. I mentioned this aloud and everyone said they were feeling the same thing. We decided it was the “runner’s high” we’ve heard so much about. We felt like we could go more than five miles but didn’t want to risk hurting our bodies. I can’t explain the feeling of delight and the sense of satisfaction I felt when we finished. Remember, I’ve never pushed my body before. This is all new to me so I’m constantly amazed.
Thursday we run intervals. Yeah!! It’s going to be a mental game for sure. Saturday we run 6 miles. I’m really excited to see how that feels. I’ll let you know all about it.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Program

I have been watching The Biggest Loser on NBC since the first season. I have been a big fan of the show. However, I have always made a joke out of it. I would sit down in front of the TV with a bowl of ice cream and joke about how stupid these people were to sign up for the show. They were crying over how hard this all was, they were storming out of the gym angry with Jillian Michaels, they were angry that people made this a game, and all I would think is really, you didn’t know what you were signing up for? I never saw it as something that would work for me. They had professionals working with them and TV cameras following their every move. Of course it would work for them.

Then this past Spring Jillian Michaels’ launched her own show called Losing It with Jillian. She would go to a family’s home and live with them for a week. She would show them how to eat and how to exercise and then she would leave. She would come back for the big reveal 6 to 8 weeks later. Inevitably the women were losing 35 to 40 lbs and the men even more. It hit me that these people were doing it at home. They still had children, jobs, stress, etc to deal with.

During the show Jillian Michaels kept plugging her website, So one day I went out to see what it was about. They were offering a 7 day free trial so I signed up. I took the quizzes, looked through her menu plan for me, and looked through her fitness program. The first week I followed the menu closely to get a handle on what she wanted me eating. The first night of the circuit training was HELL. That’s right I said it, HELL!! I definitely had a Biggest Loser moment. I cried. I kept saying I can’t do this and my husband kept saying,”Yes you can, I know you can.” I persevered and in the first week lost 6 lbs. That was what I needed to see.

The next week I created my own menu. The program’s menu was a little too expensive for our budget and the children didn’t care for the food. It wasn’t a big deal though because I have been able to eat healthy & stay within my calorie limits. However, I found that I was starting to eat too many carbohydrates and my weight loss slowed down. The program says I am a Balanced Oxidizer. I have to have protein when I eat carbohydrates. Once I figure that out I’ve made sure to eat a protein source with every carb and the weight started to shed quickly again.

After 6 weeks of doing her circuits in my garage, so toward the end of August, I started to feel strong. I went across the street to a park that has a paved walking trail and started to walk. I felt so good that I decided to see if I could run any of it. Little did I know what that would lead to? Within a few days I was running the entire track, which is 1.25 miles. I was amazed. By October 16, 2010 I ran my first 5K.

I still do the circuits four times a week. I also run 3 times a week. It is difficult and I’ve had to let many things go, but it IS worth it. I will right another entry about what I’ve had to let go and how that has affected me another time.

If you are looking for some help I would encourage you to check out The cost is minimal compared to many other programs and it really is doable. I have been to reunions, birthday parties, weekends away, etc and have never felt deprived. I have given myself the grace I’ve needed to get through those functions. I have also allowed myself cheat days. I believe that this time I’m learning a whole new way of living with food and not just dieting.

First Official Weight Loss Photo

4th of July 2010

October 23, 2010, 15 weeks into weight loss journey

As I told you before, one of my rewards for losing my first 50 lbs was a picture. I thought I'd post it for you so you can see my progress. I will take another one once I lose another 50 lbs and then, of course, one at the finish line.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Weigh In Day!!!

I weigh every week at my Sister's house on her scale. Why is that you ask, because I don't want the temptation to weigh every day. I think that can create an obsession and can cause a mood change for the day, if I see something I don't like. I focus on my weight loss battle all week and look at the results every Friday morning.

I was sooooo nervous to weigh today. After the past two weekends I've had and the obstacles I've faced at every turn this week, I just knew I hadn't lost anything. In fact, I think for the first time since I started this journey, I closed my eyes while the scale was calculating. When I opened them and saw my new weight I was ecstatic!!! 252!!! That's a 4.5 lb weight loss this week. Are you kidding me?!?!?!? I'm on cloud nine.

I have been a part of a challenge on, which was to lose 10% of your body weight by Halloween. I had 27.9 lbs to lose when I started the challenge. So I have one week and only .9 lbs to go to meet the goal. Yeah!!! I'm so proud of myself!! I'm realizing that it really is about working through the yucky stuff within us, pushing through and coming out a winner on the other side. I tell myself all the time, baby steps. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and it will all work out.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Doubling My Miles in 6 weeks

We have decided to train for a 10K which is 6.2 miles. We would like to be running 8 miles regularly before the 10K so that it’s not so difficult. We're hoping to run in the 10K Santa Run in Tacoma Washington on December 18th. We will need to double our miles quickly if we’re going to pull it off. Right now we're running 4 miles pretty easily. If you click on the link below it will take you to the training schedule we're following, however we're starting on week 3 and working up because we need to double to 8 miles not 7.

As I'm typing this I'm feeling butterflies in my stomach. It really does make me nervous to set this goal. I know I can do it because I didn't think it was possible to work up to a 5K so quickly. I'm going to set the goal and meet it!

Run More Miles at Runner's World

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Ben Does Life!

I had a friend send me this link the other day. It is so inspirational. I encourage you all to watch it. Even if you don't have 120 lbs to lose it may inspire you in other ways.

This is Ben's blog:

You can find this video along with others he has posted on

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Embarassing Running Problems

Okay, can I just tell you how excited I am to be learning about all these embarrassing things that can happen to you when you're a runner? NOT!! I thought running was supposed to be good for your body! I recently started losing a toenail and when I began inquiring about it I learned that it's very normal. In fact, my friend who has children that run marathons and race on Cross Country teams said her children say, “You’re a WOOS if you have toe nails.” AHHHH! I like my toe nails. They serve me well. Then my brother, who has been running and recently ran in the Hood to Coast, told me about something he experienced call Runner's Trot. Really!?!? Just two days ago I watched a very inspiring video about an overweight young man that started running and in the video he shows how he learned about bloody nipples. All of this led me to look up side effects to running. Here is a website I found about this exact subject. It tells you all about the top 10 most embarrassing running problems. I think I need to consider my sanity now. . .

Monday, October 18, 2010

This Could Get Ugly

Yesterday I blogged about self soothing and rewarding myself with food and it turns out I learned a whole lot more about myself as the weekend went on. Last night Jason & I sat down and dove into what happened. I had some astounding revelations. What I would call Aha! Moments. As the conversation went deeper I discovered I didn’t even know I was pushing emotions down with food until I sat down to blog about it yesterday. I discovered I don’t know how to let myself feel things and to cope I numb myself with food. For instance, when I was anxious Friday night about the run the next morning, instead of feeling those emotions I suppressed them with cake & cookies. The problem is I unconsciously sabotage myself. If Jason had come to me and said I don’t think you should be eating that or do you really want to eat that I would have told him to leave me alone. I lie to myself and say that I just want the food. Nobody better get in my way, I just want to eat. In the past my mom asked me things like, “Do you really want that much ice cream?” My immediate emotion was anger. Don’t watch what I’m doing. Don’t judge me or criticize me. I want the ice cream and yes I want this MUCH ice cream. It’s a rebellious attitude that comes out. I was putting on a facade of being in control. I had myself and, I thought, everyone else deceived.

On Saturday after the run, I rewarded myself all day. I was supposed to do my circuits on Saturday, but instead I laid on the couch and watched two movies and ate. I was rewarding my accomplishment with what I used to love. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing until I started to analyze it. On Sunday I was so upset with myself for what I had done over the past two days all I wanted to do was eat to numb my anger. By this point I knew a little of what was going on so I didn’t eat at all. In fact I didn’t eat anything until 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I was so hungry I wanted to eat everything in sight and was feeling very weak.

The conclusion is, nobody goes into war without a battle plan and this is war! One day a week I allow myself to eat something I have been wanting all week. Inevitably it turns into a weekend of it. Jillian Michaels says that I need to keep boundaries when doing this. I need to keep my calories under 2000 that day & choose only one thing that I’ve been wanting. I need to look at my week, decide which day I will allow myself more calories and plan what it will be. I need to go into this with a battle plan.

I’ve heard it said a thousand times. You need to let yourself feel things. You need to face your emotions and not suppress them with food. That has always sounded too cliché. As it turns out, it’s true. I need to be aware of what I’m feeling at all times. I need to face the emotions, bad or good. In order to succeed this time I have to stay aware of what I’m feeling and deal with it rather than eat. When I was having panic attacks and a lot of anxiety I learned to cope through self talk. I would have to talk myself down off the ledge, per say. I need to translate that into what I do with food. When I’m feeling the emotions I will talk myself through them. When I’m standing in front of the refrigerator and it’s not time to eat or I want to eat the wrong things, I need to do an emotion check. What am I feeling? Is it triggering this hunger? Am I eating to suppress something I don’t want to deal with? I’ve never faced this so I’m not sure what’s going to happen. No, I’m not sure how I will handle emotions I’ve never dealt with. If I’m not pushing them down with food then what do I do with them? Watch out world. . . this could get ugly!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

My first 5K

This is team Justice. For 4 of us this was our first 5K ever.

Yesterday was the Friends for Life 5K Walk/Run to benefit the Pregnancy Resource Centers of Central Oregon and yes, my FIRST 5K. We awoke to a beautiful cool, crisp, sunny, fall morning. What a great day for my first 5K! When we arrived at the park we saw there weren't very many people there. If there were 200 I would be surprised. I caught myself letting out a sigh of relief. Whew! That emotion was a little surprising. As we began to run I found the tension slowly leave my body. I was surprised when we arrived at the half way point because it seemed to come so quickly. I was the last runner to finish. That was a little disappointing but I didn't dwell on it. I went on to celebrate the success I just had. I'm sure it helped that I had my own little cheering squad at the end. I couldn't dwell on anything negative because they were all so excited for me. I was beaming! It felt so good to accomplish something that had always seemed so impossible. In 3 months I have gone from 302.5 lbs and sitting on the couch all the time to 256.5lbs and running a 5K.

One thing that surprised me was with the anticipation of the run came self soothing through food. When the run was over I spent the rest of the day rewarding myself with food. Wow; really?! When am I going to get this? You would think after 3 months I would have this down. In fact, I didn't even realize what I was doing until this morning. Friday night I was super nervous. What if we haven't been running 4 miles and the 5K feels so much longer? What if I can't do it? What if the terrain is really hard? So I self soothed with cake and cookies. When the race was over and I realized what I just accomplished I began to reward myself with food; all day long. This morning I woke up feeling sluggish, grumpy and a little queasy. I think one of my goals for the next 50 lbs needs to be finding what my triggers are, how to recognize they are happening and how to work through them.

I only have 4 lbs to lose to reach my first short term goal of 50 lbs. I would love to see a 4 lb weight loss this week. My rewards at 50 lbs were new pants and a picture, so I can see my progress. The problem with those rewards now is I've already purchased two new pairs of pants and had a few pictures taken in the past two weeks. I'm still excited though!! This will be a huge milestone and take me to my next 102.5 lbs. In my mind I can't think about the next 50 because I still have 4lbs to go to reach my first 50. My brother Steve told me if I lose 50 lbs in less than 6 months, the length of time it took him to lose 50 lbs, then he'll give me $100. If I can take 4 lbs off this week then I have definitely beaten him and get my $100!

I'm not sure what rewards I will give myself at the end of my next 50. I'd better start thinking that one through because I'll be starting on it shortly. If you have any inexpensive ideas reply I'd love to hear them.

So onto training for my first 10K, I guess. We are running a 2 mile fun run on Thanksgiving Day and then hopefully running in the Jingle Bell Run. We’ll see what other kind of trouble I can get myself into soon.

Friday, October 15, 2010

October 15, 2010

I’ve been pondering lately, why this diet is working this time. I mean, I know why it’s working. I’m eating the correct calorie amounts, I’m exercising more than I ever have, I’m focusing on my protein-carbohydrate ratios, I’m drinking the correct amounts of water, and so on and so forth. What I want to know is why am I sticking to it this time? What is it about this time? I want to know because so many people are starting to ask me what I’m doing. So many people want THE answer. They need to lose weight and everything they’ve tried hasn’t worked. Since this worked for me then it just has to work for them. The truth is any of us can lose weight. Any of us can do it by doing just about any diet out there. What is it in me, this time, that’s making me push forward and see this thing through to the end? What is it in me, this time that will maintain the weight loss?

When I start to answer those questions I sound like all the people I’ve heard that have lost weight or coach people in weight loss. The thing is all the answers are true. Such as, find something that works for you and stick with it. Exercise has been the key. Burn as much as you’re eating. If you mess up, don’t look back. Look forward and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other. Try to eat more fruits and vegetables. I could keep going. All of these things I have found to be true; especially the part about putting one foot in front of the other. There are days when I feel like I have to talk myself through the entire day. For example, I’ll say, “Okay Sandy. Choose something healthy for breakfast and you’ll be so proud.” So I do. Then I crave bad things until lunch. At lunch I’ll say, “Okay Sandy, let’s make a good choice for lunch.” I’ll do that & then crave bad things until snack and the day goes on like that until I go to bed. Then the next day I’ll wake up and find that it’s easy. I have great days and bad days. I have great weeks and bad weeks.

As I process all of this my conclusion, as of today, is my mindset is different. Everyone says it’s great to do it for your family, but you need to do it for you. I guess I’ve never truly understood that. As I think about what’s different this time I’d have to say that I’m doing it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have many motivators. One of which is my children. My daughters are looking at me as an example of what a woman is like. They shouldn’t be worried about whether their mom is going to die early because of her weight. It shouldn’t even be a thought in their mind. These motivators are powerful, but they are not THE reason for my weight loss this time.

I started thinking of all the reasons I’ve started diets in the past. Here are some of those reasons. . .

My husband deserves to have a sexy wife. Not a fat one. I need to go on a diet for him.

My children shouldn’t be ashamed of me when their friends meet me. I need to go on a diet.

I will surely die tomorrow if I don’t go on a diet. I need to lose weight now!! (While there is truth here, your diet shouldn’t be fear based.)

My parents are disappointed in me. They had hoped for so much more. I’d better lose weight so they can be proud of me.

My siblings are ashamed to introduce me as their big sister. They don’t respect me or look up to me. I’d better lose weight so they can be proud and look to me as a leader.

When the men in my sister’s life meet me they decide not to date her because what if she’ll end up looking like me. I need to go on a diet so she can get married.

My mom is on another diet and wants me to go on it with her. I’d better because otherwise I will disappoint her and I’ve already done that so much.

I need to look like the women on TV or in the movies. My life would be so much better if I looked like them. I’d better go on a diet.

I am sinning. God is sending down His wrath on us because of my sin. If I go on a diet He will show mercy.

I am not the Christian woman all these people think I am. I am a sinner because of my weight. I can’t tell people about Jesus because, well, look at me. In fact, my sin is very visible. I’d better go on a diet so that I can tell people about Jesus.

I’m not being elevated to worship leader because I don’t look like all the other girls. I am anointed to lead worship, but I’ll never be elevated to that level until I look right. I’d better go on a diet so that the leaders in the church will raise me up.

I could go on and on but I’m not going to because they get more & more ridiculous.

I came to the realization that the reason I’m doing it this time, and its working, is because I want to. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of looking at pictures of myself and not seeing me. I’m tired of letting life run on by while I wait for that infamous some day. I’m tired of watching my kids play and I’m too big to be active with them. I’m tired of sex even being too hard. (Sorry if that’s too much, but it’s the truth.) I’m tired of not being taken seriously. For some reason in this society if you’re heavy, you must not know anything or you’re just not together enough; which is silly because over 60% of Americans are overweight. Not to jump on that band wagon, I just think that this time I was finally sick and tired.

This time it’s working because I want it to.

This time it’s working because I want to be healthy.

This time it’s working because I want to be active.

This time it’s working because I want to be the best I can be.

This time it’s working because I want to feel as if I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.

This time it’s working because I know I can do it.

This time it’s working because I know I’m strong enough to see it through to the end.

This time it’s working because I can see myself finishing. I can see myself keeping it off.

This time it’s working because I want to be a leader.

This time it’s working because I think I’M WORTH IT!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

October 14, 2010

On October 12, 2010 I celebrated my 3 month anniversary of starting this journey. In three months I have gone from a tired, depressed inactive woman, to an energetic, mostly optimistic, active woman. I have lost 45 lbs and am running 4 miles, 5 days a week. Quite an accomplishment, I know!

This week I’m struggling. We have some stuff going on financially and for the first time I can’t turn to food. I have been fighting to stay on top of everything. I’ve stayed within my calorie limits, I have exercised everyday I’m suppose to along with upping my fitness level and doing more difficult circuits. The food I’m eating hasn’t been ideal. Externally everything probably looks okay, but the internal battle is killing me. Why would I want to eat and mess everything up? Why are those emotions so strong? Why can’t I see what I’ve accomplished and have that work for me? The answers are going to launch me into the person I want to be. I’m just not sure how get the answers. How do I work through these emotions? How do I push through the old habits? Am I doing it?

I’m also feeling guilty today. I have put myself above everything; my children, my husband, my home, my job, my family and my friends. I feel very selfish. The people I love dearly are all telling me that it’s okay. I need to do this right now. It’s a season and after the weight is off I can find a balance. I have 6 to 9 more months of this season. Will it be worth it? I’m told it will. I’m told I will feel as if I can do anything at the end of this journey.

Hopefully this too shall pass and I can move forward and see this journey through to the end.