Thursday, October 14, 2010

October 14, 2010

On October 12, 2010 I celebrated my 3 month anniversary of starting this journey. In three months I have gone from a tired, depressed inactive woman, to an energetic, mostly optimistic, active woman. I have lost 45 lbs and am running 4 miles, 5 days a week. Quite an accomplishment, I know!

This week I’m struggling. We have some stuff going on financially and for the first time I can’t turn to food. I have been fighting to stay on top of everything. I’ve stayed within my calorie limits, I have exercised everyday I’m suppose to along with upping my fitness level and doing more difficult circuits. The food I’m eating hasn’t been ideal. Externally everything probably looks okay, but the internal battle is killing me. Why would I want to eat and mess everything up? Why are those emotions so strong? Why can’t I see what I’ve accomplished and have that work for me? The answers are going to launch me into the person I want to be. I’m just not sure how get the answers. How do I work through these emotions? How do I push through the old habits? Am I doing it?

I’m also feeling guilty today. I have put myself above everything; my children, my husband, my home, my job, my family and my friends. I feel very selfish. The people I love dearly are all telling me that it’s okay. I need to do this right now. It’s a season and after the weight is off I can find a balance. I have 6 to 9 more months of this season. Will it be worth it? I’m told it will. I’m told I will feel as if I can do anything at the end of this journey.

Hopefully this too shall pass and I can move forward and see this journey through to the end.

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