Sunday, November 24, 2013

Woman In The Mirror

I took the liberty of personalizing the chorus to Michael Jackson’s song Man In The Mirror:

I'm Starting With The Woman In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Her To Change Her
And No Message Could've
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

I was making a change. I was losing weight. Improving my health, my physique, and my? Wait, what was changing inside? As I stared in the mirror all I saw was the same person, the same pain.

You see, all these years of being over-weight I naively believed, if I lost the weight, it would all be better. Everything would be “fixed”. The weight was my filter. “I must have lost that job opportunity because of my weight. Once I lose the weight, they will want me to lead worship. “They” will want to hang out with me once I lose the weight because no one wants to hang with the fat girl. I will be a better Mom, Wife, Sister, Friend, etc once I lose the weight.” My weight was the enemy!! That was my truth. What a funny word to use, huh? It was not truth! It was a big ole fat lie!

The closer I got to my goal weight the more confused, disillusioned, and disheartened I became. I would stare at the woman in the mirror and wonder why I was not "fixed". “The extra weight is nearly gone. Why isn't everything better?” Of course, many things were better, but the deep stuff, the stuff in the crevices of my soul were not. I still believed so many lies about my value and myself.

I had begun to grasp grace, but what I had not grasped was who I was in Christ. I was/am valuable because I am a child of God. Psalm 8:3-8 says, “When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; What is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him? Yet You have made him (man) a little lower than angels, and You crown him with glory and majesty! You make him to rule over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea, whatever passes through the paths of the seas." I have been crowned with glory and majesty! Romans 8:15-17 says, “ For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him." I am an heir of God, a joint heir with Christ! I will inherit the kingdom of heaven! Romans 8:37 says, “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Nothing can separate me from the love of God! Nothing! He paid the price! Nothing can separate me!

These verses are barely scratching the surface of what scripture says about me/us. I am slowly grasping this. His thoughts are toward me. He sings over me! He LOVES me! No matter what my weight is. No matter what anyone else thinks of me, my creator says I am fearfully and wonderfully made! Now that is life/crevice changing, right there.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I'm BACK!!!!!

I cannot believe I have not posted anything since April!! How time flies when you are having fun, right!?!? The truth is I was in hiding. Strapping on “shame and condemnation” backpacks again. Ugh!

Without going into detail, because it involves others, my life came crashing down around me last April. It sounds dramatic, I know, but it was. My little world was on fire. This fire is quite literally the hottest I have ever been in and it made me confront everything. My value, my identity, my beliefs; the very foundations I have built my life on. It has taken me months of clinging to the one absolute in my life, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Through many tears and desperate cries, I am pulling through. I began to emotionally surface about two months ago, and as I did, I realized I made a mess of all the hard work I had put into my body over the past few years. I had abandoned all hope of reaching my goal weight/size. I had abandoned all disciplines I had put into place. Before I knew it, I was up two full pant sizes. That may not sound like much to you, but for me that can mean 40+ lbs. I do not actually know how much weight I have put on because I will not weigh myself. I still believe it became detrimental to my journey. My identity became a number on a scale, not who I am in Christ. The scale had permission to tell me how I would feel about myself for the next week. Not okay! I believe I will receive complete deliverance in this area of my life, but until then I cannot become complacent. This is where my tenacity is valuable. LOL! :) So, I am back at it. My friend suggested I try a personal trainer at REVS House here in Bend. WOW! You have to try it. The price is RIGHT and so is the training! (Click on the logo to the right and it will take you to the Facebook Page.) I will not be posting weight loss results, but I will be posting honest, real, hopefully inspiring words that will keep you pushing toward your goal. No matter what it is? You are worth the effort and hey, so am I! ;)

Following is an excerpt from a blog I read. It just reminded me that we can fall down, a lot, but if we get back up and keep fighting, we will see victory. Often, we need to ignore our negative internal voice. God is our strength and our refuge. I am leaning on Him and He is providing everything I need, at just the right time.

"If you were to add up all of the failures I’ve had, it would number close to 30,000 over the years. 30,000 failed attempts and four successes (NJ Star Ledger, Yahoo, Dave Ramsey and CBS). 4 for 30,000. Yet, I’m doing it. I’m succeeding. I’m making it happen.
My story is still unwritten. I have not made it on to the NY Times Bestseller list yet. I have not sold millions of books yet. I am not a household name yet. But I refuse to quit.
I realized something in July, when my book became a bestseller. This is not just about me. This is about every American Dreamer out there who is pursuing their American Dream. I want you to know success is right around the bend. It’s hiding behind a mountain of mistakes and failures. You just can’t see it yet. I want you to ignore those who tell you it can’t be done. I don’t want you to listen to anyone who tells you to stop dreaming. Ignore them when they tell you you’re just not good enough or that you’re just not smart enough. Unfortunately, very often, most dream killers are people who you love the most. Don’t let them stop you or tear you down.  You are much more than you ever imagined.
You only find out how amazing you are when your back is up against the wall and your dream feels like it’s collapsing under the weight of all of your failures and mistakes. When you are about ready to quit, that is when life blinks. And what a blink. It is always some unintended great thing that happens.  Something completely out of the blue that you never expected and never imagined. When you persist, life bends to your will. It goes from adversary to ally."

Thomas Corley