Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Menu Tuesday

Tonight I tried a recipe from a blog I was told about. It's http://www.skinnytaste.com/. The recipes look so good and they are all lower calorie & lower fat.  The following recipe is the first one I've tried so I can't vouch for everything, but I can this one. . . it was delicious.


Monday, May 30, 2011

Proud Parenting Moment

Today is my little Lexi's 9th birthday. Happy Birthday Lexi Lou!

I let her pick what she wanted to eat this morning. She chose Cinnabon cinnamon rolls, which I wasn't thrilled about, but I did give her the choice. When we got home, I decided to head upstairs because I couldn't handle smelling them or looking at them. As I was headed up stairs I heard Larissa say, "I don't really like this Dad. I think Mom has ruined us. We're used to eating all this healthy stuff now." A little while later my Dad poked his head in my room and commented on all the cinnamon rolls he found in the sink. I gave him a confused look and asked what he meant? He said, "Your children didn't eat their cinnamon rolls.  They didn't like them." (Let me tell you, I have fed my children these cinnamon rolls before and they LOVED them.) I smiled and turned back around, beaming.

This evening we went to Red Robin for Lexi's birthday dinner. Larissa ordered the spaghetti. She ate about half of it and turned to Jason and asked, "Are these noodles made from white flower? This spaghetti isn't good." The girls didn't eat much of their dinner and all agreed that I've ruined them. Mwahaaaaa!!  That's all I can say.

I'm taking these two successes because we had pizza on Saturday night and I didn't hear a thing about it. So I may not win everytime, but they showed me today that they are listening and learning and that makes Mommy very happy. 

Jillian Michael's Podcasts

I listened to a few of Jillian Michael's podcasts tonight and they are very informative. They are free. . . here is the link. . . http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jillian-michaels-show/id418368811


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Weigh Day!!

All right. . . I weighed in at 201 lbs today. That is incredible after weighing in at 211.5 lbs on Tuesday morning. I am really hoping I can take at least 3 lbs off this next week. I only have two more weeks until our Vegas trip & I would LOVE to be 195 by then. I may have to forgo cheat night next week so I can see those results.

On an even more positive note, I ran 7 miles again today. I move on to 8 miles next Saturday. I am not sure what I am training for but I thought I would just keep pushing right along. The schedule I am following has me at 8 miles for the next 4 weekends. At least I get to stay there for a little while before moving on to the BIG numbers.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Biggest Loser Finale


I love the NBC show, The Biggest Loser!  It is so inspiring.  This year the finalist were better than ever.  Olivia and Hannah, the sisters that reached the finale together were amazing!  Joy seeps through their pores.  It was so fun to watch them reach their goals and they look fantastic!! Olivia won the title of The Biggest Loser but everyone on the show won.  If you haven't watched it before you'll have to watch the next season.  I'm not sure when it starts but I'll post when it does. 


The Reward is Worth The Fight

Apparently, I'm not finished with this emotional journey and just when I think I am, another layer is revealed to me.  A friend said to me last week. . . "We aren't finished until we die."  What a true statement.  Somewhere along the way, I bought into the idea that once my weight is off all my struggles, internally and externally, will be gone.  My weight has been the biggest hurdle of my adult life.  Life is a journey and we won't be done until we die.  I will push on and work on myself until the end.  I will become more knowledgeable and therefore have more wisdom.  God will continue to shine a light on areas that need to be worked on.  As Philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Last week was an extremely tough week emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It was a trifecta.  Without making any excuses, I caved.  I folded under all the pressure.  I have said before that this journey has had many layers and as I work through each layer another one is exposed.  This last week I learned that part of my over eating was to punish myself.  It was to make my physical body feel as bad and as ugly as my internal self.  Last week I was feeling undeserving and worthless and quite frankly, pitiful.  With all those emotions running rampant, I caved.  One night I layed in bed asking myself why I would do this after such a long and successful journey.  That's when I had an "ah ha" moment.  I was trying to make myself feel, physically, as bad as I felt emotionally.  I'm not beating myself up though.  I'm actually glad I had that experience.  It showed me something new that I can be aware of.  It showed me another truth of what took me to over 300 lbs.  I know how to defend myself against that monster now.

Because of this I decided not to weigh on Saturday.  I WILL weigh this Saturday and no matter what it says I will be proud of this week.  I've picked myself back up and am back in the fight.  That's what it's all about, right?  Standing back up and continuing to fight for what you want and what you know is best for yourself.  No giving up. . . just learning and moving forward.  There's nothing easy about a battle, but the reward is worth the fight.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Weigh Day!!

I hit another milestone today. I am less than 200 lbs. . . I weighed in at 199.5 lbs! That is a 2 lb weight loss for the week. I am thrilled with that, first, because I am under 200 now, but also because of the week I had. It wasn't tragic or epic or anything out of the ordinary really. I was really tired this week & dealt with many emotions. After looking back over the week, I realized I was fighting against depression. We received the bill from the State of Oregon this week. I had to face several emotions and deal with them rather than turn to food. After 10 months, it is still a battle of wills. Thank God, I was able to recover and fight through it. This is not a mountain I can't climb!

Last week when Jason & I were on my long run for the week, I told him that I finally found the word that sums this whole journey up. . . Courage. This week I have had several confirmations of this. I read a quote the other day, that I LOVE!! It says, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it," - Victor Hugo. The World English Dictionary says Courage is the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc or to take one's courage in both hands - to nerve oneself to perform an action. I LOVE that. I was in Lexi & Kaia's school office taking care of a few things, when the secretary looked at me, congratulated me on my weight loss success, and said, "Wow that takes so much courage.” I looked at her with my eyes twinkling and said, "Yes. Yes it does.” As I turned to leave, I was beaming. That was a confirmation of what I had learned that week. This is not an easy journey. I am facing many demons, but I have found the courage to press on and win the battles so I will win the war. I implore you to find the courage to face your fears and start living life, as you never have before.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Fitness Level 3

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!  That's my reply to the new circuits I started this morning.  As a result of my 101 lb weight loss, the Jillian Michael's website suggested I up my fitness level to level 3.  They are crazy & insane & my body hurts.  That's right, I'm whining. . . on the positive side, it will be fun to conquer some of these new exercises.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Parents. . .

My Mom and Dad
I was going to honor my mother, with this blog post today, but decided to honor both my mother and my father. Our relationship through the years is just like everyone else’s. . . it has had its ups and its downs. However, my parents have stood by me through thick and thin. The thing I value the most in them is their undying devotion to God. They have loved Him through every valley and every mountaintop. Their devotion and love for us kids has also been unwavering. They would do anything for any one of us. Drop everything, give everything, and sacrifice everything if we have a want or a need. Nevertheless, when nothing they can do will help us. . . they pray.

They watched me start putting on weight very quickly my sophomore year of high school. Unsure of what was going on with me they scrambled to help me. When all of their attempts failed. . . they prayed. When I was somewhere around 22 years old I began a weight loss program and did pretty well. They were so proud of me. . . I am sure they breathed a sigh of relief. After about a year I started putting all that weight back on, plus some. . . they prayed. When I was somewhere around 25 years old I started another weight loss program that worked for a little while. Once again, they breathed a sigh of relief and once again, when life's stuff hit the fan, I turned back to food and put all the weight back on. . . they prayed. From that point forward, it was a downward spiral. I can only imagine the pain they felt sitting back and watching me slowly kill myself with food. . . but they prayed.

At 35, I began learning what grace really is. . . the Holy Spirit began to move and I was inspired to begin this journey. Their prayers, love, and unending support are part of my success. Thank you, Dad and Mom, for loving me and for praying without ceasing.

100 lb weight loss pictures

At my largest, July 4, 2010, 302.5 lbs             
After 101 lb weight loss, May 7, 2011, 201.5 lbs

The way I look most the time now.                    

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Weigh Day!!

It's time to tell you the big weigh in news.  Last week I said I was hoping to hit my 100 lb goal. . . and. . . drum role please. . . I DID IT!!!!!!!!  I weighed in at 201.5 lbs today. That's 101 lbs lost. Woohoo!  I will post pictures tomorrow. 

I want to mention that I ran 6.1 miles this morning.  It felt so good and I'm thrilled that I'm progressing.  I'm off and running towards a half marathon.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Real Life meets Dieting

Our office celebrated a HUGE accomplishment tonight by going out to dinner.  We all agreed to go to Pastini Pastaria.  (It is one of my favorites!)  I did what I always do when faced with eating out; I looked up the menu & nutrition facts before going.  I pre-plan what I'm going to eat so that I'm not tempted by anything else.  However, Pastini Pastaria doesn't provide nutrition facts.  When I got to the restaurant I asked the waiter if they had them available, and of course, they didn't. It was really hard for me to order because everything seemed fattening.  This would have been a good night to have a nutritionist on my shoulder telling me which item sounded like the least fattening and then how to order it. I'm desperately trying to lose at least 1.5 lbs this week so I can reach my 100 lb goal by Mother's Day.  I'm so nervous that tonight messed that up.  

When I started this whole process I said I was going to learn how to operate in the real world while dieting. I wanted to learn balance. With that in mind, I believe I did the best I could. I have to give myself these allowances. It's just hard when you're staring such a huge goal in the face.