Saturday, October 30, 2010
Today we ran 6.2 miles. Wow!! It was good to see that we can do it. We didn’t run it fast, but we ran it. Our bodies are hurting tonight. Nothing that a little Ibuprofen can’t handle. :)
Guilt: A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.
Imagination: the product of imagining; a conception or mental creation, often a baseless or fanciful one.
Hmmm. . . Whether real or imagined? I have been feeling a lot of guilt lately because of the time and attention given to my weight loss journey. Guilt concerning my immediate family, my responsibilities at home, my friends, my extended family and so on and so forth. I have believed that my children are worse off because I’m not able to put the effort, that I used to, into their meals. I have believed that my family has suffered because my home is not as clean as it used to be. In fact, I don’t have time to clean. If I can stay on top of keeping it picked up then I feel I’ve had a successful day. I believed that I am a terrible friend. I don’t have time to sit and talk the way I used to. I don’t have time to return phone calls right away or meet for coffee. I don’t have time to pour into people right now. All my extra time, which has only ever been a few hours a day, is now consumed with exercise and entering data into my food log. I struggle with how self consumed I am right now, but how do I get through a weight loss journey of this enormity without being a little narcissistic?
These were thoughts I had a few weeks ago. I was really dealing with guilt. Today, not so much. I have worked through those emotions and come to the realization that I am worth this time right now. My children aren’t worse off. They are happy for me and don’t seem negatively affected by it at all. In fact, they are recognizing their own lack of activity in a day and taking the initiative to go out and get a little exercise. I have always had active children but it’s funny to hear them say, “Mom I haven’t done anything active today yet. I need to go outside and get some exercise.” It’s so cute. It always brings a smile to my face. Once I am at my ideal weight I can bring everything back into balance. I am worth it and my children deserve a happy healthy mom who will be able to set a good example of a balanced life.
My friends will still be my friends after this journey if they were true friends to begin with. They will understand what I have to do right now and support me in it. They will route me on and look forward to hearing of my successes. They will pray for me and love me through the whole battle.
My marriage is better than ever because of this. My husband and I have finally found something we can do together. We are spending more time together now than we have since before children. We have searched for hobbies we can do together for years. We are enjoying running and doing circuits together. My husband has been my greatest supporter and partner in this journey.
How can I feel guilty when there are so many positive things happening in my family, my marriage and myself?