Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Weighing In

It has now been six and a half weeks since I last weighed myself. This is the toughest challenge I have given myself during this journey. The first four weeks were the most difficult. I realized how much of my identity is in what the scale says I weigh. I do not know what to think of myself or how to rate my success without seeing a number. I started this journey with my health in mind. I wanted to extend my life and better the quality of my life. The first year was a success! I was experiencing so many new things, learning so many new things about myself, and losing a lot of weight. The second year rolled around and something changed. My focus changed from loving myself by losing the weight, feeding myself healthy foods and being active, to just reaching the number! The shift was unhealthy and led to a year of difficulties. I went up 40 lbs down 20 lbs, up 20, down 25 and so on. If I had a great week but the scale did not say so, my week was ruined. Instead of being happy with the way I treated myself I condemned myself for not working hard enough. The first year was a year of learning about living in freedom and grace and taking off the baggage of self-condemnation and guilt. This past year I picked up that pack and strapped it back on. I would not have learned any of this if I had not decided to step away from the scale. (Thank you Cynthia for that suggestion.) I feel so free today. I do not plan to weigh myself again unless I am at the doctor's office. I plan to continue focusing on my health and loving myself enough to feed myself the right foods and exercise because of the way it makes me feel. I will reach my goal of a size 8 and will not measure my success by weight. It will happen when it happens and because of loving myself.

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