Ruby

Have you ever heard of a show called Ruby? I had heard of it, in fact, I believe I saw Oprah interview her once. This past week as I was browsing for something to watch on Netflix I came across Ruby's show. I decided to watch the last season there to see what it was all about. I came in at the point where Ruby had lost over 300 lbs. I think she may have been close to taking 400 lbs off. Her starting weight was 719 lbs. She had come to a roadblock in her weight loss and decided to call in an expert in food addictions. Through a series of events, she and her friends decide to go through this woman's 6-day intensive program. As the counselor spoke, word after word penetrated my soul. She was speaking to me. I opened up Word and started typing every word she said of a few specific statements. They were powerful to me. They spoke directly to that part of me that wondered if I would ever find what others call "balance". It gave me permission to continue doing what I am doing. It gave me permission to keep this monster called food addiction under control. Here are a few of the things she said:

In recovery you do not get any days off; no holidays. It does not matter if there is a death in the family, a birth in the family, or the sun comes up or the sun goes down. You get to treat yourself for your eating disorder every day. Normal eaters will say, “You know, I’m just going to have a fasting day because I’m going to really eat on Thanksgiving.” People with food addiction do not have that privilege. They cannot do that. There are no special days to eat. Food has to take its proper place. What we have to look at is, what is food replacing? What is in here (pointing at self) that we have to have the food?

It is more common than uncommon when you find a person with an eating disorder to go back two or 3 generations and you are going to absolutely find alcoholism, almost without fail. Sometimes it will skip a generation; a generation will decide they are not going to drink so they start using the food.

It is not what we are eating, but what is eating us.

She spoke of people with any sort of addiction being people that have to have control. That hit me between the eyes. I have been self-analyzing and have realized what is behind some destructive behaviors. If all these other areas feel so out of control and I cannot turn to food I try desperately to gain control in another area; stomping all over whomever I need to in order to gain control.

Tough lesson, painful. . . healing!!