Friday, April 1, 2011

Weigh Day!

I don't know what book this is talking about,
but I love the line in the yellow box!
I said in my last blog I wasn’t expecting to have a loss this week. I weighed this morning and I’m up ½ lb from two weeks ago. I know that sounds bad, but with where I’m at in my month, I am thrilled. This means I could see a dramatic loss next week. I’m inching my way to 100 lbs. I work hard every week, but this week I’m going to pay extra attention to my water, sleep and sodium intake. I want to see a large loss next week.

I went for a run with my sister last Tuesday. You know me; I have to talk things out, out loud. While we were running I shared with her that over the past few weeks, when I think about my cheat night, I really haven’t craved anything, but I’ve still eaten junk. Why is that? Why do I still eat when I don’t want any of the food? My conclusion is, my body is letting go of its dependence on food, but my mind isn’t. I told her that if I’m not craving anything this Saturday I’m not going to just eat to eat. That scares me a bit. It reminds me of when I first started this whole journey. When food was my closest friend; I was petrified to think of removing it from my life. That fear is what keeps so many people from starting and finishing their weight loss. I fooled myself into thinking I conquered this. I could handle not meeting my friend all week because I knew I was going to meet it on Saturdays. My physical body doesn’t want the junk food on Saturdays anymore, but my mind does.

I shared with my mom a few weeks ago that I’ve never been a happier person. I always thought I was happy. I’ve had my seasons of stress, depression, anxiety, etc, but I thought I was happy. However, there was so much self-hatred going on inside, I could never be truly happy. Even with everything we’re going through there is a genuine feeling of peace and contentedness inside. On my blog I talk through things that are bothering me or things that are surfacing that I need to deal with, but I am genuinely content. I don’t know that I’ve ever been content. My mom said it right, “You are happy inside now.” That’s the difference. I’ve never been happy inside. While things looked good on the outside a battle was raging internally. That’s what’s changed. Now the storm is brewing outside but inside the battle has stopped. This is a strange place to be. Sometimes I find myself trying to find some of those old feelings. I have to stop myself, assess what’s going on and let myself feel the peace. Wow!

As I move down this road on my weight loss journey I’m continually amazed at the things I learn. This journey has been like peeling an onion. Each time a layer is peeled away and I think I’ve dealt with everything, another layer is exposed. What an exciting thing to know I am working on things that are going to make me better, happier and healthier. If you haven’t started your journey yet or you’ve been stagnant, I encourage you to grab the bull by the horns. Take a chance on yourself. You’re worth it!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I loved reading this blog. It is truly amazing to see how you've grown inside. You get to say you did not stay the same, but had the courage to change and see where it took you. "I" am encouraged and want to be a better person because of you.

Sandy B