Addiction [uh-dik-shuhn] : The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit – forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation or discontinuance causes severe trauma.
Throughout this journey, I’ve compared myself, many times, to an onion. The layers are being peeled back and I’m learning new things about myself. Some of them have been shocking revelations of strength and tenacity and others have been revelations of painful truths I buried. It’s been in those exposed raw places I’ve seen the most healing. God’s healing power has been at work and His grace has been sufficient for me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 says, And He has said to me, My grace is sufficient [adequate for the purpose] for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.)
I have become battle weary and in the past 5 weeks have slipped desperately down into old addictions. As you’ve read, slipping has exposed some deep roots and revealed much about giving my power away, but that’s not all of it. Some more wounds have been revealed. More layers have been peeled back and I realize this root of addiction goes so much deeper.
A person does not become 150+ pounds overweight simply by loving food. Jason has said to me multiple times I cannot solve 34 years of bad habits and deep stuff, by simply “changing” some habits. I have to trust the process and let it work, pain and all. (Philippians 1:6 says, For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.) God is working and His grace is sufficient for me.
This is a journey. . . life is a journey. I will not be “done” just because I reach a goal size. I will keep learning, growing, overcoming and rising above. I will trust the process and push forward to accomplish my goal. My battle plan is in place and I will face this head on. It will not take me down!