Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Selfish Monster Rears It's Ugly Head

Last week when Jason was running with me, I shared with him that the selfish monster was rearing its ugly head again. I was feeling so guilty for the countless hours of working out. I was feeling like I never see my children. I was feeling like I was losing the balance I had found. Jason was silent for a few moments and then shared with me that he feels I was more selfish before I started this journey. That puzzled me. Before I started this journey, I was a stay at home mom. My entire focus was he and the children. I asked him what he meant by that. He shared with me that before I started the journey I was never completely with them. I was with them physically but not emotionally. I was tired all this time so all I wanted to do was sit and watch TV so I could zone out. After the kiddos were in bed, I would head for the ice cream and sit on the couch eating and watching TV. He shared with me that he was hurt more than once because he just wished I cared as much about him as I did my food and TV. I was SHOCKED! I had no idea this is how he felt most of our marriage and I had no idea this is how I was treating my family. He shared with me that now when I am with them, I am with them. Jason is with me for most of my workouts now so we engage in conversation, joke, work through issues, talk about our day, etc. When I am not working out, working, or taking care of responsibilities I am playing with the kids, talking with them, going places with them, being active with them, etc. I am so glad Jason shared this with me. It made me even more determined never to go back to my old ways. Once I have completed the extreme weight loss season I will be able to embark on a more balanced way of life. I am looking forward to it!

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